Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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