I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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