So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
