I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
