I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
