I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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