doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
