If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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