Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize