you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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