that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize