Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
