If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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