Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
