i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
