Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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