you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish i was in the wii world.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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