Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
