I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
