i need an iv and a liver transplant
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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