Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
