my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
