I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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