I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
