I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
