"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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