if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
