The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
True college students do jello shots in the library
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
