Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
