i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
