i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
