Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
