He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
