Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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