oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
