Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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