Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
