u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
