i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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