I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
