Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
