Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
