Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I want her autograph on my taint
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is my gift to your gina
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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