I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
