I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize