I can text with my tongue
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
