I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
