It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
