Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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