I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
