i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am available for nakedness
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
