I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I could fuck to npr.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
