i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
