I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There are leaves in my underwear?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
