And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Drake has all the answers
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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