i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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