Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
