you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
