the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
