How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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