you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My hand turned me down
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
