my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i've created a new STD.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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