I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
