i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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