Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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